Prague
On all of the cruises & tours that we have done, there has always been a constant – when the day starts off with the tour guide handing out little radio headset boxes, you know you’re in for a bad time. Regardless of brand, I don’t think I’ve ever had a tour where there haven’t been constant issues with loose connections, faulty batteries, interference, poor sound quality and more. Added to that are the guides who don’t know how to place their microphones where they won’t be constantly brushing against clothing, or blocked by thick collars and scarves, or those who forget to mute their microphones before coughing, blowing their noses, or going to make a pee-pee, treating the tour group to some very uncomfortable listening. Then there are the inevitable nufties on the tour who can’t seem to understand how to turn the units on, or how to adjust the volume, or how to select the correct channel, and who have to constantly announce this (and loudly) during the middle of one of the few times when the guide has actually started to deliver something interesting and relatively static free.
So yesterday started off at Prague Castle with our tour guide handing out little radio headset boxes, and it went downhill from there, both literally and figuratively. Now, I don’t like taking pot-shots at guides, especially those like our guide yesterday who was a genuinely nice bloke, but there are certain things that you expect from them, and when those things don’t occur, it can take the shine off the tour rather quickly. Strong accents and English as a second language will always make it harder to follow a guide’s narrative, but those things aren’t deal breakers so long as the guide follows certain protocols, namely, speak slowly, annunciate your sentences, and make sure that it’s clear what you are talking about. Unfortunately our guide did none of that yesterday, rattling off a high-speed stream of conscious narrative while gesturing vaguely to the left and right, all the while maintaining a pace ahead of us that would have made Usain Bolt proud, so that we were never really sure what it was he was talking about.
Compounding this was the fact that he’d mounted the microphone on the outside collar of his thick jacket, meaning the volume varied wildly depending on which direction his head was pointing, and on several occasions he would also spontaneously erupt into a bout of unmuted nose-blowing. Thankfully he remembered to mute the microphone before visiting the WC, although on return he managed to spend a minute or two describing certain features of the castle before realising he’d somehow changed channels on us. The channel got changed back, but the features were never re-described. By the time we stopped for coffee and cakes at a private palace within the castle walls, I’d given up on the whole guided-tour thing and switched my unit off.
Having said that, it was still very interesting looking around the castle complex, especially inside of the St Vitus Cathedral which we hadn’t seen before, as our previous visit to the castle on our Scenic tour had been for dinner, after all the tours had closed for the day. I couldn’t help thinking though, how much more enjoyable and informative the tour would have been with the guide from that trip, Paulina.
The current cathedral is a stunning example of Gothic architecture, dating back to 1344, although there were previous religious buildings on the site as early as 930 AD. Perhaps the most striking feature is the Chapel of St Wenceslas, which houses relics of the saint, including his skull. There are also stunning stained-glass windows throughout the building, including one designed by the celebrated Czech artist Alfons Mucha, one of the most famous artists of the Art Noveau period.
Elsewhere throughout the cathedral there are stunning chapels filled with fine artworks, and magnificent examples of Gothic, Renaissance, Baroque and Neo-Gothic architecture. It would be possible to spend several hours in just the cathedral, but unfortunately we had other places to be.
Our next stop was Vladislav Hall, built during the reign of Vladislav II, King of Bohemia from 1471-1516 and used for large scale events such as banquets, receptions and coronations. The construction is exceptionally complex, with large vaulted stone ceilings over a space so large that it was able to host tournaments between knights – a special “Knights’ Stairway” was also constructed to allow the knights to bring their horses into the building for such tournaments.
After that it was a stop at Lobkowicz Palace, the only privately owned building in the castle complex, having been in the hands of the Lobkowicz family since the late 16th Century. During the second defenestration of Prague in 1618, when Protestant protestors threw two Catholic ministers from the windows of Prague Castle, the ministers survived the 70 foot drop and were given protection from further harm within the walls of Lobkowicz Palace. On our last trip to Prague, we had dinner in the palace as part of our tour – on this occasion we settled for coffee and strudel. The view from the balcony looking out over Prague is absolutely worth the price of admission alone.
The final part of the castle complex we looked at, although very briefly, was the Golden Lane, originally built to hold the castle guards, but later used to house the alchemists and goldsmiths which gave rise to its modern name. In later years it was a popular area with writers and artists, including Franz Kafka, the most celebrated of Czech authors. The information I have included here comes from various online sources including Wikipedia – as I said earlier, I’d already given up on trying to keep up with what the guide was saying. He may or may not have mentioned all of this, but I have my doubts given that by this stage he seemed intent on setting a new land-speed record as he made his way down the hill towards the old town.
I’m not going to harp on about the guide too much more, I promise, but I do want to be clear that this is nothing personal against the fellow, who I’ve already said was actually a nice bloke. My point is that my opinion of a guide’s worth is based primarily on whether or not you come away from the experience having learnt something about the place you are visiting that you wouldn’t have learnt simply from Googling, and sadly that wasn’t the case this time around.
Once out of the castle complex, we made our way rapidly along the west bank of the Vltava River to the Charles Bridge. We knew it was going to be crowded on the bridge – it always is – and truth be told it wasn’t the worst we’ve seen, most likely due to the fact that it was a Monday. From the accounts we’d been reading online, weekends in Prague in the lead up to Christmas had been absolutely woeful.
We practically dawdled across the bridge, which seemed odd until I realised that our guide, and the hundred or so other guides leading tours in Prague that day, had timed the run so that we would be reaching the Old Town Square on the hour, in time for the hourly animated display at the astronomical clock. Sure enough, as we reached the end of the bridge and entered Karlova Street, a massive wave of people had joined the procession. At this point our frustrations boiled over – here we were being herded like cattle along one of the narrowest streets in the city, towards an event that, let’s face it, is pretty underwhelming to put it in polite terms. So as soon as Vanessa and I could inch our way forwards enough to be within earshot of our tour director, we let him know that we were heading off elsewhere. We turned at the first available side street into a quiet little lane way, and went off to find a bar.
The first bar that we came to served us up a couple of nice cool Grüner Veltliners and some tasty olives, but they didn’t really have anything more substantial meal wise, so we paid the bill and carried on. As we neared the Old Town Square, now thankfully a little quieter due to it being half past the hour, we spotted a beautiful old jewellery store that we’d stopped at during our previous visit. When Vanessa asked to look at some of their white gold rings, they immediately offered to bring us some homemade beer, and asked if we’d like some food as well, which we politely declined. The owner came out and greeted us like long lost friends, claiming he remembered us from last time (here’s a tip: he didn’t). Amazingly though, things changed as soon as they found out that the $AUD 4000 rings he’d been showing us were well and truly over our budget, and when we explained we’d have to drop one of the zeroes off the end to get within range, suddenly he had urgent work to do, and left us with his assistant. I’m sure if we hadn’t already made a start on the beers, they suddenly would have disappeared as well. Still, they did have some beautiful pieces that were a lot closer to our range, and eventually we agreed on a price for a beautiful ring that has now become Vanessa’s Christmas present from me. They offered to resize it if we could come back later to pick it up, so we headed out to find some lunch, now that the offer to feed us was off the table.
The go to place according to all of the forums is a restaurant called “Ribs of Prague”, which luckily was a very short walk from the jeweller’s. Vanessa felt in need of a decent drink after the harrowing experience of buying jewellery, and ordered the biggest beer they had, not realising that in Prague that means a litre stein. I opted for a Coke. Ness then ordered the crispy pork knuckle, which turned out to be well in proportion to the beer. This being Ribs of Prague, I thought it would be rude of me not to order the ribs, so I did, with a sticky BBQ sauce. Both meals were delicious.
After lunch we returned to our hotel to pick up Rowdy for his daily photo-op, before wandering back slowly through the Old Town Square Christmas markets. We looked around at the stalls while we waited once again for the hour to strike and the the throng to move away from the astronomical clock, before we made our move.
With the time now well after 3:00 pm, we headed back to the jewellers to pick up Vanessa’s ring, receiving the slightest of head-nods from the owner as we entered before his attention was once again taken by whatever it was on his phone. With darkness rapidly starting to descend, I had one more stop that I wanted to make, so we headed off once again to find one of the David Cerny sculptures we missed out on seeing last time – the revolving head of Franz Kafka.
From here we walked back in the direction of our hotel, through a maze of small laneways and covered shopping malls, until we emerged onto Wenceslas Square. There were Christmas markets here as well, but both of us were tired after a long day of walking, so after stopping to admire a gorgeous hotel that looked like it could well have been one of the inspirations behind Wes Anderson’s Grand Budapest Hotel from the film of the same name. Dinner was back at the Art Noveau Palace, which has really turned out to be a wonderful place to stay. After that we were off to bed, at the grand old time of 7:30 pm! It’s great to be on holidays…
I gave up on all the headsets and half the guides.